No, really, I'm fine!
How often do we ask someone, whether it's a friend, family member, colleague, neighbour (or anyone else), 'how are you?' and they answer, 'I'm fine'? All the time, yes?
How often do people ask you, 'how are you?' and you answer, 'I'm fine'? All the time, I'm betting.
It's that stock phrase we pull out and give everytime someone asks how we are doing. We often don't even think about saying it, its so automatic. Yet, often we are not fine. And often the person we are asking after isn't fine either.
In fact, I am betting many people answer 'I'm fine' and, underneath, they are really struggling, hurting, in pain, worrying about something in their life and being faced with terrible news or a distressing situation.
But, we will never know this until we starting letting others in and starting reaching out a bit more. Why are we so afraid of how we feel? Why are we so anxious about sharing our thoughts or what we are going through? Why are we so nervous about asking how someone really is?
I can guess at some of the answers, however, the point is we need to talk to each other more. Humans are social animals and connecting, collaborating and communicating with each other is really important not only for our wellbeing, but our survival. No wonder mental health issues are on the increase - we are so scared and reluctant to communicate with each other. And this isn't helped by social media and tech that often acts as a barrier to 'real' connection and communication.
So, next time someone asks how you are, or you ask how someone else is, take a moment to reflect on what really is going on for you or what might be going on for then. And then connect. Connect with yourself and connect with another person. Believe me, it will feel good.
All the best,
Glasgow Anxiety and Depression Counselling Services (GADS) and Scotland Anxiety and Depression Counselling Service (SADS)
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