Scribblings of a Psychotherapist

Are you sick of being taken advantage of at work, by family or in relationships? Always find putting others before yourself?  Ever feel stressed and exhausted at the end of the week because your are meeting everyone else's need, but no-one meets yours? Maybe you can't say 'no' and end up doing things or going places you either don't want to go to or have no time for. Perhaps you don't have a lot of confidence or worry that if you don't go along with what others are doing/saying, they wil think badly of you or criticise you. What stops you being more assertive?  Not being assertive can led to low self-esteem, lack of confidence, stress, anxiety and difficulties with relationships. We can also often feel drained and taken advantage of when we just go along with others and don't stand up for ourselves or our needs and views.  Assertiveness is a tricky business as we are often taught, from an early age, that we 'should'...

Men and boys and anyone identifying with other genders experience eating disorders and disordered eating too. We really need to stop leaving out non-females from the conversation. Why? Because to do so means we are discriminating against others, developing 'female-friendly' services only and perpetuating a very biased and unrepresentative picture of eating disorders. This means lots of people are don't have their voice heard and don't receive support and understanding. Here a t Talking EDs, we see males and those identifying with other genders, of all ages and backgrounds who experience a range of eating disorders and disordered eating. As humans, we all eat after all. So why wouldn't eating disorder/disordered eating affect non-females. I personally find it puzzling why so many people are left our of the eating disorders/disordered eating conversation.  Eating disorders do not discriminate. They creep upon anyone – male or female – of an...

Grief and loss is complicated and messy.  There's no simple way of putting it. That's how it is. In therapy and counselling, I often hear clients say that family and friends keep telling them that ' you should be over this by now'; 'how can you still feel sad about X' or even 'pull your socks up and get over it' (I have to admit, I shriek inside when I hear that, arghhh!). The thing is, hearing these things 1) isn't helpful or validating; and 2) misses the point when it comes to grief, loss and bereavement. We can also experience grief, loss and bereavement for lots of different things: it's not just in response to the loss of a loved on. We can experience this in relation to the loss of a beloved pet (I lost a beloved pet in March this year and I'm still grieving - it's a terrible experience as I'm sure some of you will know). We can experience it in relation to loss of health, a job, moving house/location, ...

The term ‘anorexia nervosa (AN)’ is, in itself, misleading and generally considered a misnomer. 1) ‘Anorexia’ implies that the individual has lost all interest in food, never hungry and has no appetite. Yet, this is rarely the case. The opposite is more accurate of the AN experience. The person is not only very interested in food and frequently very hungry, but as weight continues to decrease, and the person reaches low-weight stages AN, their preoccupation and obsession with food becomes overwhelming. Nevertheless, the person experiencing AN will do everything in their power to deny and ignore these feelings and sensations and not permit themselves to eat. This is a particularly important characteristic AN, along with individual’s attempt to strictly control food and eating, with great time & effort. The question of ‘what is AN?’ is difficult one to answer given particularly complex and multidimensional nature of the illness. ...

Did you know that 1 person dies every 40 seconds from suicide? That's 15 people every 10 minutes.  Think about your group at work. Or a group of friends you hang out with. Maybe a social club you're part of. Or your family. 15 people every 10 minutes. 15. Remember that number.  The thing is, although there is lots of messages and media out there telling us to share our problems, express how we feel and to reach out when we need help and support, the fact is, despite the increase in awareness of mental health, we're still not very good at asking for support or telling others how we feel, especially when we are struggling, need help or want to share what's going on for us.  We are talking about mental health more, but there's still a lot of stigma around that. It shouldn't be like that, but it is. And while I write this post and you read it, there are lots of people around you struggling in life. Struggling to cope. Struggling to make sen...

 Focus on .... Existential Depression Most people experience some form of low mood, sadness, or depression at some point in their lives. This can often arise in response to situations in their life at that time. For example, trauma, accident, bereavement, loss of job, death of significant other, health issues and many other situations. There are many factors that contribute to the development of low mood and depression. These include biological and hormonal factors and depressive periods can be seasonal, situational or intrapersonal. Often a period of low mood or depression develops through a combination of factors and this can be different for each individual experiencing low mood or depression. For many, a period of low mood or depression and the feelings, emotions and symptoms that accompany such can often be short-term and don’t have a long-lasting impact on quality of life. However, for others, low mood and depression can be longer-lasting and hav...

FINDING CHANGE, PROGRESS, TRANSITIONS AND/OR RECOVERY TRICKY? Well, that's because it is. Do you want change to happen, but maybe, at the same time, you don't want anything to change? Maybe change seems daunting or scary. Perhaps you feel ambivalent about change? Change is not that simple, as I'm sure you already know. Here's a little exercise to get you started As many of you will know, change can be frightening, daunting and something we might want and not want at the same time. This is natural and understandable; after all, you the problem or concern you are struggling with (e.g. eating disorder, anxiety, worry, stress, low mood, etc.) has 'helped' you in some way, albeit in an unhealthy and unhelpful way. It's probably become your safety net, safe haven, comfort blanket; so to change can be anxiety-provoking and scary. Change is necessary though, in small steps, at YOUR pace (not someone else's) and with small changes that a...